Mean.

In elementary school, when someone bullies you, or is rude, mean, hurtful [the list can go on and on] you are encouraged to talk it out with them. And they hope that maybe you will find some common ground and that person will stop being mean to you and the two of you can get along.

When you are an adult it's pretty much the same thing. If there is somebody you do not like, you be more mature than they are and you let it pass. Right?

When someone has unkind words to say to you, you ignore them, or send kind words back. We are taught not to retaliate.

But...what if this is an everyday occurrence tearing down your heart and soul?

Lately I have been thinking about something that one of my young women's leaders said a while back in Sunday school. Let me share it with you.

"You are good to those who are good to you. It is all I ever desire to be. If people were always kind and obedient to those who are cruel and unjust, the wicked people would have it all their own way: they would never feel afraid, and so they would never alter, but they would grow worse and worse. When we are struck at without a reason, we should strike back again very hard; I am sure we should--so hard as to teach the person who struck us never to do it again." -Charlotte Bronte: Jane Eyre

This is exactly how I feel.

Lately [for quite a while actually] I have had someone that makes me feel like I am worthless. A piece of junk. Each day it gets worse and worse, and I have tried my hand at being nice, but never with satisfaction. I know that the Lord wants me to love everyone, and wants me to not be mean. BUT I also know that he wants me to be happy, and find happiness.

If I am not finding happiness in being kind to the very soul that drags me down each day, what should I do?

Then I was introduced to that quote. I think on it often, as there is not much else I can do. It was as if this specific passage of Jane Eyre, read to us by a leader, chosen by the Spirit of the Lord, was giving me an answer.

"Erika, she is causing you harm. Harm to your mind, heart, and spirit, which is more damaging than that to your physical being. No longer try to make peace with her, it cannot be done. The only way to make her truly stop what she is doing is to strike her back, hard, with much force. Show her you cannot be acted upon, but you act for yourself. Show her that you are strong and eventually she will stop picking on you, because she cannot win. Not with me on your side."

So that is my decision. This person better watch out. Because I don't want to hurt anymore. I am tired of being a target and a victim.

This is not something I would do to someone that was less than deserving. Believe me. I do good to those that do good, and often, to those that do me wrong, just as the scriptures say I should. But sometimes the only way to make a dog stop biting is to bite back. And that is what I plan to do.

I am beginning this now, it is my choice. I am not an object. I am a person. And I am NOW standing up for myself.

Here is a song that makes me think about her, in fact.

Thank you Taylor Swift for always saying it the way I would have.

Love, Princess Sullivan.